Well, I invite all the bloggers to this little Q&A session and, once again, only Joe shows. Apparently you have cured all the dog-phobics in the world and have time to blog. Bravo, Joseph. There are 35 chairs in the room, so why are you seated all the way in the back? Well, just because you are the only blogger here doesn’t mean we will ignore protocol: Raise your hand and wait to be called on before shouting out your question. This isn’t some reality TV circus.
Ok, any questions? You, in the Milli Vanilli concert tee…
It has been a long time. Where the hell have you been?
Well “Fab”, one of the radical ideas the NHL has incorporated in recent centuries is called the “off-season.” During said “off-season,” I am off the grid. People usually start taking an interest in my whereabouts about halftime of the first Bills game. Thanks for getting a hold of me and right on schedule.
Next question…you, wearing the backwards JP Losman #7 Bills cap…
Q1) OK, let's start with the lockout. Whose side are you on, players or ownership?
Silly question, fanboy. When the bottom of my check is endorsed by Ryan Miller, I’ll see his viewpoint. At this time, the players are the enemy, always have been the enemy and always will be the enemy. Go ahead and hashtag #Newspeak #WGR #Orwell and #TenToTwelveWeekdays.
Ok, next…settle down…guy wearing those ridiculous skinny jeans.
Q2) Why the hell are we at this point?
What point is that? A lockout in September? That’s like the Bills boycotting the playoffs. Start worrying next month.
Next question…Joe, nice Uggs by the way…
Q3) Any chance of you having a UFC fight with Donald Fehr or speaking at negotiations?
You know what rubs me wrong about Fehr? That misplaced “H”, like Robyn uses to incorrectly spell his last name Regehr. Will I speak at negotiations? Do you want hockey to ever return? So, of course I won’t.
Can you please wait for me to at least start answering a question before putting your hand in the air? Okay, go…
Q4) What do you have to say to the fans about no hockey come October?
We will not lose a game in October.
Q5) What will you be doing during the lockout?
I will be spending way too much time in places like Rochester and Syracuse. Our sole reason for existing now is to win the Calder Cup. Just saying that sounds depressing.
Put your hand down Joe, it’s suddenly creepy…
Q6) Will you actually be putting on the locks at the arena?
Why? What are you plotting? We will now.
Q7) Why do fans hate the owners?
I disagree with the premise of your question. In proper order, the fans hate Sully, Bucky, the bloggers, and then the rest of the media. Pegula has a day. His. Own. Day. If this were the England, he’d be Sir Terry.
Q8) Do the Sabres have any sort of ticket refund plan in case of a lockout?
No. We plan to keep all the money from games not played in an effort to whittle down our season ticket waiting list by infuriating current season ticket holders. Actually, I am speaking out of school. Maybe that’s exactly what we are planning to do.
Q9) OK, I wanna switch to the on ice product since you've been hiding out. You traded for Steve Ott and signed John Scott, you seem to want to get tougher. Why is that? Do you need a new bodyguard?
Are you threatening me? Nothing between you and me but four rows of chairs...*unties tie and unfastens cuff links*… you want a piece of me, pal??? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Q10) How emotional were you in trading Derek Roy?
I would classify my emotional state at that moment as ‘aroused’. I also felt ‘empathetic’ for all those man-crushes I destroyed. I know there’s lawyer near Batavia who was a HUGE Roy fan, he wrote me about Roysie the hound every day. Don’t be mad, bro.
Q11) Why do you still have a job?
Ironically during a lock-out, I am locked-in.
Q12) Who the hell are these kids with the 10 Gs in their names?
I thought you weren’t supposed to be within 500 feet of kids, G’s or no G’s.
Q13) Who do you plan on using at center? Eric Wood? Drury coming out of retirement?
I still like the thought of using Ville, but at a 24% discount.
Q14) Describe your dream woman?
She would be wearing thigh high fishnets, be stacked, of course beautiful and using a chisel to etch my name into the Stanley Cup.
Q15) Have you ever golfed?
Yes. People hate playing behind me because I wait and wait and wait and wait…I only take a swing if someone starts counting down, like the way I pull the trigger at the trade deadline.
Q16) Do you and Buddy Nix ever have beers?
I drink my country’s finest ale. He drinks moonshine. We are from different planets.
Q17) What role did you have in the new water front deal?
They asked me where the waterfront was and I pointed. I have demanded a finder’s fee.
Okay, Joe, let’s wrap this puppy up soon…
Kevin Sylvester: Winston Smith
Sabres hotline: Ministry of Truth. Be sure to tune in between 10 and noon weekdays on the radio home of the Buffalo Sabres, WGR 550.
3rd Man In: Game misconduct
Ryan Miller: Greedy
John Vogl: Wordsmith. Poetry in the paper. Talent wasted in sports. Should be working celebrity obits.
Carl Paladino: Love his email forwards. Really selective.
Britney Spears:Future Mrs. Fake Darcy. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.
Where the hell is my mailbag?!:
The subject line of every email you send me.
Okay bud, last question…
2 more questions
Who is hockey Insiderr? I know you know.
Mike Harrington. It’s common knowledge in the industry.
What happened with brickgate? Could this lead to you getting fired? (Please let it)
The last chapter of BrickGate has not been written.
Thanks for coming Joe. If you hurry along, you can still catch your bus. Now, go, get out, scram…