Photos by Buffalo Observer
Mr. Fake Darcy! How are you today?
I’m great, Joe. Hey bud, you sure are sweating excessively. Are you all right? We can re-schedule, ya know. Holy flop-sweat! This is hilarious. You look like Albert Brooks in Broadcast News!!! Okay, go ahead and ask away but don’t mind my laughter!
1) How disappointed were you in the Sabres not making the playoffs?
I’d rather be eating nachos than catching this grilling from my favorite blog. I think the company line is “colossal disappointment”. So I’m colossally disappointed.
2) Do you think you should have made a trade in January when the team was spiraling out of control?
Spiraling out of control is your take, not mine. We were hydroplaning the entire month, unable to gain control to right the ship. Get it right. There were no trades to be made.
3) What were the bright spots for this year?
The 39 wins. The toughest spots were the 32 losses and 11 OT losses. I would say the trade deadline was the best day for me this year. The fans were really pumping my tires that day.
4) What is your take on the emergence of #63 and #82?
This has been a common theme during my years here. The young guys just keep entering our lineup and producing. Then they get to their second and third year… (Hashtag: LindysSystem)
5) Why did this team get so many injuries this year?
We had injuries this year? An inordinate amount? I hadn’t heard. I blame Shanahan.
6) How is your relationship with Lindy?
We are a tag team. Neither of us is going anywhere without the other. Would you break up the Road Warriors? What would life have been like if there wasn’t two Wild Samoans, just one frizzy-haired Wild Samoan? I steered this conversation towards wrestling so you could better understand. I speak many languages.
7) What was your reaction to Derek Roy not liking public criticism from his coach?
A less clever GM would answer this by saying Derek is an incessant whiner who needs to toughen up his thin skin. A weak GM might consider firing his coach for losing the room. I will say I didn’t hear the criticism but remind a certain single-digit prima dona, publicly and through the media no less, that there’s always places to play like Columbus if he doesn’t like Thunderlips style.
8) Why are you returning next year?
That’s kind of rude, eh? You must have graduated from the Brian Burke School of Manners and Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too. I have a few million reasons to return as long as they will have me.
9) What do you plan on doing this summer to make this hockey team better?
Get rid of bad players, and bring in good players. It’s our ongoing philosophy. I wish The Buffalo News did the same with their sports writers.
10) Will you ever get fired? Have you somehow slipped in a drug to every owner's coffee cup to let you keep GMing?
Haha, I like the way you use GMing as a verb. I think if Lindy or I were to leave, worlds would crumble around WNY. Do you realize how many devoted people in our fan base only know Lindy as coach and me as GM? What next? Should we tell them there’s no Santa too? Look, let me be clear: Historians who study Chinese history will compare my reign favorably with the Ming Dynasty.
11) How did Ryan Miller turn this season around?
12) Who is on the updated hitlist?
The offseason hit list looks a lot different than the in-season list. The starter over at Transit Valley has really rubbed me the wrong way lately.
13) Who is on the updated shillist?
Snowman, Whitey, Bulldog…but Kevin Sylvester is my most loyal pup. I tell ya, he gives Eddie Haskell a run for his money.
14) Do you miss Goose?
No. Honking is annoying.
15) How did you like Cody Hodgson's game?
I liked everything except how often he scored and how many goals he set up. But he is fast so his lack of statistical production was done at high speeds.
16) Any thoughts on burning the Sabres new locker room down because they failed this yr?
This is why we have security. You fans are lunatics. Get a grip, man. Arson is never the answer.
17) Will Derek Roy get traded?
I don’t anticipate trading Roysie. If I did, where would all the fan anger be directed? Yup, at yours truly. Roysie is the heel, to speak in your wrestling terms again. He enters the ice and flips the fans the bird in his hockey gloves when the ref isn’t looking. Then when he gets booed, he covers his ears and feigns outrage. We need this. I need this.
18) Any idea who you will be drafting?
I’m not sure who it will be but we have priorities: Our first priority will be a Canadian. If none seems good enough, we’ll look at an American. If we want Lindy to stir up another international incident, we’ll draft a Russian. I don’t foresee us drafting another Austrian. No reason.
19) Any vacations you'll be going on this summer?
I have planned a week of Frisbee golf at Beaver Island. I’m one helluva frolfer. I can’t wait.
20) When will the mailbag rise again?
The Mailbag WILL RETURN for the ’12-’13 Stanley Cup season. I want next year chronicled for my memoirs.
21) Why didn't the Sabres have a year end press conference?
This IS the press conference
22) Are you at war with TBN?
They started it. This is just revenge. And it's personal.
23) What was your reaction to WGR and TBN staff having a twitter battle on Thursday? You should be ashamed of yourself! ENABLER!
My honest reaction is that GR should rub it in the face of the News guys that they have exclusive reaction from our management. The News are a little bitter because they have to create stories now instead of reacting to what we say. My focus is not to fill up space in their paper. Do I like the media battles and the focus it takes off our team and the disappointing way in which our season turned out? I had not noticed that.
24) Will you trade Thomas Vanek?
I am leery about trading Vanek, lest feel the wrath of Shelby Griswold.
Jerry Sullivan: Not sure how getting a journalism degree from a Midwest school makes you a hockey expert. I am uncertain how the same degree from Syracuse U. does that either, ahem *White* ahem. It amazes me how people put stock into opinions held by people who have only been watching hockey since they came to Buffalo. Our fans know what they see. They don’t need “experts” translating what they see during a hockey game into basketball terms so said “expert” understands what they are watching. Listening to some of our local media talk hockey reminds of listening to children debate sports without any historical perspective. If you can’t name the Sutter brothers, or have no idea how many there were, stick to round ball. There was only one Jim Kelley.
Danny Gare: You do not want to replace a legend. No such worries if Danny takes over for Harry.
Lindy's Tie: Whore. How do you get yourself raffled? Ridiculous.
Katebits: Band camp.
Paul Peck: Random M&T bank robber gets more face time on TV lately.
Brian Burke: Failure. That one is in the dictionary.
Mighty Taco: Super Mighty medium with sour cream, no tomato, and a medium Loganberry…oh hey, can you add a cherry empanada. Folks at Mighty: Go ahead and name this the @FakeDarcy meal.
The Rock: Sean Connery was terrific.