Oh. My. God.
That was awesome! Yes, I know the show was 72 hours ago, but it hasn't stopped me from talking about it. Those were the best action sequences in television history. If HBO wanted to, they could have just added another 30 minutes and threw that bloodbath in theaters to win Best Picture.
Where the hell do we begin?
I think what sticks out, besides the 100 deaths and gory kills, has to be the dialog during the scenes when we didn't see anyone getting killed. Cersie getting wasted and pretty much making Sansa's life a living hell with her taunts, was money. The Hound had 1-liners that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger envious. Tyrion had his usual snappy sarcastic comments and I thought Stannis resembled a decent character for a change. Of course, the highlights were the kills. Yes, I love me some violence with a capital V.
Here are five things to take away from the episode:
Seriously, take your pick: Rock caving in someone's head? The Hound's sword slicing someone in half? Stannis pretty much scalping the top of someone's head off? I have to go with the latter. I don't recall ever seeing the top of someone's head getting chopped off and having their remaining head look like a geyser with blood pouring out of it. Without question, this was the most violent Game of Thrones episode ever.
Best 5-minute sequence of the show. "There's only one ship." Just the anticipation between Joffery being a little bitch and asking where his fleet was to Davos seeing the ship pass him with some substance that resembled anti-freeze pouring out of the back. With the trap set, all Bronn had to do was shoot a fire arrow at the ship leaking wildfire, IE: the lighting of the torch during the '92 summer Olympics, and kaboom! And boy, what a kaboom!
3) Sansa is a fool
Seriously, how many times have I said this during the series? Why on earth wouldn't you leave when the Hound was willing to protect you and take you away from King's Landing? I know he isn't exactly a great roadtrip buddy, but it sure as hell beats sitting idly next to King Joffery. I don't know what gives with Sansa. Is she just stupid? Is she just scared? Does she actually want to be queen and isn't playing the ass kissing card of "Joffery is my one true love" in order to survive? Maybe she does love Joffery with all of her heart. I have no clue. BTW, The Hound was awesome in this episode. His "Fuck everyone" quotes when he walked off were awesome sauce.
2) Tyrion is awesome
Seriously, how many times have i said this during the series? Tyrion isn't a warrior or action hero, but he is brave. Yes, there is a difference. I think this episode was the apex for Tyrion's character as far as evolving. When we first saw him during the first season, he was just a horny dwarf who busted out a bunch of great one liners. You wouldn't consider him brave, right? Since then, we've seen him take the bull by horns and develop into a perverted version of Ned Stark. Think about it, he's loyal to his family, who happen to be assh#$es and probably conspired to get him killed on the battlefield. He loves his main squeeze. He cares about people. He's smart. Yes, he's our new Ned Stark. Half-man! Half-man!
1) Poor Stannis
Yes, it took me a while to really come around to Stannis because during the start of the season he was taking too much airtime away from Daenerys and Jon Snow. Plus, he was kind of a bore during that stretch. Now, I've done a 180 on the character. He was awesome last night. You saw all three faces of Stannis: Disappointment, anger and kicking ass. My favorite part was after the wildfire destroyed half of his fleet, Stannis gave a shrug after his captain said if we invaded, 100s would die. Stannis reaction towards his crew: COME WITH ME AND TAKE THIS CITY!" At that point, I was cheering for the guy. Unfortunately, he lost. I felt pretty bad for him because he is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne and was pretty upset when Tywin and company came through. Should have brought your cougar god of light girlfriend, Stannis.
- Episode MVP: Tyrion-Funny and brave.
- Episode LVP: Joffery-He's a pussy.
- Best quote: If one of those flaming arrows comes by me, I'll come back up here and strangle you with your intestines. -The Hound to the archery captain-
- Best kill: Stannis scalping the head of a soldier.
Next week's episode:
Will Daeny get her dragons back? Will Greyjoy give up Winterfell? Is Rob Stark still getting ass from the nurse? Where is Jaime Lannister and Clay Aiken? Did John Snow finally get laid in the mountains? Did Tyrion survive? How the hell will they tie in these stories in just 60 minutes? They won't. It will probably be just a tease into next year.
If I were to make a prediction or two, I think Greyjoy is going to get killed by Bran with an arrow through the heart. I've also been on the bandwagon of predicting that Margaery Tyrell (She was Ridley's queen before he was killed) will somehow marry Joffery. I go back to when Littlefinger brokered the deal with the Tyrells about not fighting Stannis and waiting it out for a bit. Plus, Littlefinger approached Tywin about joining forces with the Tyrells and if you remember, Margaery said "She wanted to be the queen." Hmmm..maybe with the Lannisters and Tyrells joining forces means they will be joining houses? I just think they were foreshadowing how Sansa could have left and this will be her paying the price for being stupid.